I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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