real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize