sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
