Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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