my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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