I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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