Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
