Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
