my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
