you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
