Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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