you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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