Ambien. No doubt about it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
