If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had to cum in my sink.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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