So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just tell him i said nine months
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
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I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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