it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
