Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
