dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so much tequila, so little girl.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
