Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize