how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
