Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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