She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize