one word: firstdatebathroomanal
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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