Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
