I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The air was thick with penises
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
