Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
