weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
