Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
