I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You ruined the universe
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
