if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
