Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
