I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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