I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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