and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
