my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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