youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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