ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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