I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
