I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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