I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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