So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
