i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
