they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize