Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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