Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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