I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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