Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
