we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
