I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
