I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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