My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
