My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
