The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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