We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
