12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
