do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
