So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dignity is for republicans.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
