I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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