At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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