Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
