Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
