I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
