After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
