mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
