She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
