Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
