I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
