he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
