hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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